thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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