I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I am one with the molecules
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
