i just had sex bonerless
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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