It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
