My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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