I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
