Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
