he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
