After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
