i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
