he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Randomize
