Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
