does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
