The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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