i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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