Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
