my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
