Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
i barfeds in our rink
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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