walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
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