You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
