oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
This is the high leading the old right now
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
