Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I puked a lego.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
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