Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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