those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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