can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Randomize
