you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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