Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
he thought i was a dude.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
