I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
