Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
