Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
