So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Randomize
