I want to walk on stilts...naked
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
