someone threw a dead crab at me
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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