right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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