Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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