I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
