i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
