i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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