I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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