i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
No subtext here. People are naked.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
