dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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