just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
