We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
