we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
How does one acquire holy water?
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
