R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
