Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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