just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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