I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize
