Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
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