Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
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