is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
