I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Randomize
