will power is for people who don't want to get laid
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
