i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
